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Tag Archives: Parody

Goodnight, Cthulhu

18 Saturday May 2013

Posted by EBannion in The Butterfly Experiment

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Cthulhu, Parody, Poem, The Butterfly Experiment

I present, without further ado, a poem inspired by a Cthulhu pie and the desire to… improve… 18th century nursery rhymes.

Sing a song of madness,
An Old One never dies.
Four and twenty Shoggoths
Baked in a pie.

When the pie burst open,
The guests began to scream.
Wasn’t that a wicked dish,
To complete Dagon’s scheme?

Lord Cthulhu sleeps in R’leyh,
And sees us in our dreams;
Nyarlathotep babbles in the dark,
And feeds upon our screams.

The cliff-ghasts now are flying free,
Hunting for fresh meat;
And if they catch you dreaming,
Your doom will be complete.

The Warlock and the Paladin, an Azerothian Bedtime Story

09 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by EBannion in World of Warcraft

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Gaming, Parody, Scheria, The Butterfly Experiment, World Of Warcraft

The Warlock and the Paladin (with apologies to Lewis Carroll, who wouldn’t mind)

The mist was parting in the South,
Parting and blowing away:
And as it rose a land appeared
Its mountains tall and white–
Its folk were solid, proud and true
And they slept well at night.

The Horde was there without delay,
The Alliance close behind.
They each with force, and strength of arms
And magic spells did fight–
“They come to loot!” the Alliance cried,
“They’ll make you slaves tonight!”

The jungle, green as polished jade
The cliffs a chalky white.
And everywhere it teemed with life
Of nearly every size–
The Horde cried out to the Pandaren
“The Alliance are spouting lies!”

The Warlock and the Paladin
Were walking on the beach;
Each had their own thoughts on the war
And why they themselves should fight:
“The oldest magics ever seen!”
The Warlock’s eyes were bright.

(Or at least I think they would have been,
If she could only find them.)
“We’re learning more about ourselves
And about our ancient world!”
The Paladin sighed and said, “We elves
Knew more than this of old.”

“And look where all that knowledge led,
And what has happened to us.
No, I don’t think that it’s worth the pain
This battle brings the people.
Both those whose homes were always here,
And those whose war is coming.”

The Warlock stopped, and shook her head,
And said “It’s not that simple.
The mists were gone! Their lands revealed!
There was nothing left to hide them.
You know they must rejoin the world,
To face the coming trials.”

As bitter tears stained the Blood Elf’s face,
He closed his eyes in sorrow.
“I know, but still, so much is lost…
It always seems so wasteful.”
The Warlock turned and grinned and said,
You know, we could always eat them.”

It shocked him from his reverie,
He turned and glared, then smiled.
“You always know just what to say
To make everything more dire…
And yet, you also have a way
Of putting out the fires.”

“My students said last year, I quote:
‘She made my life a crisis.
My foot was once turned into lead
By some experimental virus.
But she turned it back as best she could
And we learned much in the process!'”

The Warlock grinned now ear to ear
At the Paladin’s discomfort.
“I mean to say, it could be worse,
Were we not here to guide them.
We only do the things we can:
That’s all that life requires.”

She turned, resumed her prior pace, and said
“Now that’s more like it.”
She saw right through the Paladin’s
Now less than stern demeanor.
“All right! You win. It’s not all bad.”
He said with half a smile.

And then the pair walked on along
As night fell close around them.
As insects scurried far and near
And wolves – and worse – let cries out.
And before too long they came upon
A large and cheerful fire.

Their other friends had gathered here
And brought with them a banquet.
Later in the night, they’d fight,
And maybe some would perish.
But they fight to save their friends and homes
And everything they cherish.

So on and on the stars will whirl
And life will always happen.
Great battles fought, rich treasures won,
And mysteries unravelled.
And of the purples, all I’ll say is:
They’ll be looted, every one.

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