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Tag Archives: World Of Warcraft

The Warlock and the Paladin, an Azerothian Bedtime Story

09 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by EBannion in World of Warcraft

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Gaming, Parody, Scheria, The Butterfly Experiment, World Of Warcraft

The Warlock and the Paladin (with apologies to Lewis Carroll, who wouldn’t mind)

The mist was parting in the South,
Parting and blowing away:
And as it rose a land appeared
Its mountains tall and white–
Its folk were solid, proud and true
And they slept well at night.

The Horde was there without delay,
The Alliance close behind.
They each with force, and strength of arms
And magic spells did fight–
“They come to loot!” the Alliance cried,
“They’ll make you slaves tonight!”

The jungle, green as polished jade
The cliffs a chalky white.
And everywhere it teemed with life
Of nearly every size–
The Horde cried out to the Pandaren
“The Alliance are spouting lies!”

The Warlock and the Paladin
Were walking on the beach;
Each had their own thoughts on the war
And why they themselves should fight:
“The oldest magics ever seen!”
The Warlock’s eyes were bright.

(Or at least I think they would have been,
If she could only find them.)
“We’re learning more about ourselves
And about our ancient world!”
The Paladin sighed and said, “We elves
Knew more than this of old.”

“And look where all that knowledge led,
And what has happened to us.
No, I don’t think that it’s worth the pain
This battle brings the people.
Both those whose homes were always here,
And those whose war is coming.”

The Warlock stopped, and shook her head,
And said “It’s not that simple.
The mists were gone! Their lands revealed!
There was nothing left to hide them.
You know they must rejoin the world,
To face the coming trials.”

As bitter tears stained the Blood Elf’s face,
He closed his eyes in sorrow.
“I know, but still, so much is lost…
It always seems so wasteful.”
The Warlock turned and grinned and said,
You know, we could always eat them.”

It shocked him from his reverie,
He turned and glared, then smiled.
“You always know just what to say
To make everything more dire…
And yet, you also have a way
Of putting out the fires.”

“My students said last year, I quote:
‘She made my life a crisis.
My foot was once turned into lead
By some experimental virus.
But she turned it back as best she could
And we learned much in the process!'”

The Warlock grinned now ear to ear
At the Paladin’s discomfort.
“I mean to say, it could be worse,
Were we not here to guide them.
We only do the things we can:
That’s all that life requires.”

She turned, resumed her prior pace, and said
“Now that’s more like it.”
She saw right through the Paladin’s
Now less than stern demeanor.
“All right! You win. It’s not all bad.”
He said with half a smile.

And then the pair walked on along
As night fell close around them.
As insects scurried far and near
And wolves – and worse – let cries out.
And before too long they came upon
A large and cheerful fire.

Their other friends had gathered here
And brought with them a banquet.
Later in the night, they’d fight,
And maybe some would perish.
But they fight to save their friends and homes
And everything they cherish.

So on and on the stars will whirl
And life will always happen.
Great battles fought, rich treasures won,
And mysteries unravelled.
And of the purples, all I’ll say is:
They’ll be looted, every one.

Scholomance Class of 235 5-year Anniversary!

06 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by EBannion in World of Warcraft

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Gaming, Scheria, The Butterfly Experiment, World Of Warcraft

That’s right, today marks 5 years since graduation of the Scholomance Class of 235!

For those of you not of an occult bent, or who are unfamiliar with Azeroth and its history, Scholomance (or Lordaeron School of Necromancy, as it is never called by its students) is a school of practical and applied necromancy with strong ties to Arthas, the former Lich King of Northrend. It is (or was, as will soon become clear) run by its tyrannical and totally unprofessional Headmaster, the Darkmaster Gandling. Mostly due to Gandling’s gross mismanagement of the tenure process and his willingness to sell out to corporate lobbyists, the school has fallen on very hard times recently.

The decline of the school proper, however, has not dulled the festivities for the 5th Anniversary celebration. Events included:

A pet show with three categories: “Best Singing by a Non-Animal”, “Dumbest Thing Since Rocks”, and “Most Capable of Self-Defence”. Pictured are the first-place winners in each!

Sennenndra, a sunflower, winner of First Prize for “Best Singing by a Non-Animal”

“Hopeless”, a dumb sheep, winner of First Prize in the “Dumbest Thing Since Rocks” category.

Terry, a tiny blue dragon, winner of First Prize in the “Most Capable of Self-Defence” category.

A dog (and other similarly-sized and intelligent quadruped) show. Pictured is the first place winner, Khuzhuum the Felhunter!

Khuzhuum, left, being pinned with the First Prize in the Dog Show by honorary event judge, Scheria!

The event was catered by the finest Undercity food service technicians and was MC’d and chaired by the sole graduating member of the Class of 235, Valedictorian and Honorary Doctor Scheria, currently an officer in the guild Malice. Scheria declared herself chairperson of the board for that year after eliminating the rest of the class, as well as most of the faculty, shortly after her abrupt termination as associate professor and graduate student by then Headmaster, Gandling. Scheria also served, due to lack of available officials, as the judge and awards presenter in the Pet Contest and the Dog Show.

Scheria takes a break from the festivities, resting on an Undercity Caterers’ banquet wagon.

The event was brought to a close by the now-traditional Shouting Down of the Sun, when the members of the celebrated class choose their favorite method and do their best to shout the sun into setting sooner than it would have otherwise. Attendees report a staggering 100% approval rating of the events, the highest for any celebration at this school.

Scheria, valedictorian of the Class of 235, participates in the annual ‘Shout Down The Sun!’ closing festivities at the Five-Year Class Reunion.

PS – Did you think we forgot about Scheria’s other demonic followers? Well, we didn’t! They were not at the festivities proper, having decided to make use of their unusual three-day liberty to visit some of their favorite places.

Betlia, in the ‘massage parlor’ at the Hellfire Peninsula Mannoroth Memorial Spa

Juk’nak chose to relax in the slime pools at the Hellfire Peninsula Mannoroth Memorial Spa

Scheria’s mostly-loyal imp Ziltuk chose to visit a cave a half-day’s travel from Scholomance which he refers to cryptically as ‘Home’

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