Not really all that long ago, really. Or maybe it was at the beginning of time… sometimes it’s hard to tell.

There’s a place that is built in a dimension which is, for lack of a better word, sideways. Everything in it is insane by our definition; their behaviors follow no distinguishable pattern. The best we have been able to do is monitor them for a short time before they decay back into chaos.

Almost all of the individuals we have been able to observe are Dwarves, strange, hairy, beardy, alcoholic rage machines. They love living underground, digging, and harvesting ores & gems. They dislike fire, digging too deep &  releasing the denizens of Hell back into the world, and sunlight.

Our very first investigation took us to a world-line which was called, in the dominant local language, “Romramul”. or “The Ageless Plane”. It was the year 251 in the local timescale.

Our connection begins on the continent whose name translates to “The Land Of Bodices.” We’re still working on the translation software.

I wo’n’t bore you with the physics of how we selected the exact region to begin our study, mostly because we had to invent an entire new set of verb tenses and grammatical structures to talk about our data. Suffice it to say, out first closer looks were at a location called “The Lucky Mountain.”

We start with a peek at the journal of the leader of a small Dwarven expedition, as she reflects on the future of her settlement…

1 Granite, 251

We arrive today at what is destined to be the site of the greatest fortress of our time. As we unpack the sled and begin to dig ourselves a comfortable work camp from which to begin construction, I have decided to hold a dedication ceremony to officially name our new start “Eshonbomrek” (ed. note: “Goodwhip”). We chose this name to honor the pack animals who have brought our sled this far, and to the tools we will use to tame this new land.

I myself, Ezum Taronineth (“Ezum Yellscity”), am a miner by trade. Our foundation party consists of another miner, Tulon Dishmabalath (“Tulon Rampartbolts”,) somewhat simple but a solid fellow to have at your back beneath the earth, and five reformed prisoners.

Their names and their convictions:

Atir Katzulban (“Atir Goalbanner”), convicted of shirking his responsibilities and negligently causing the deaths of several fellow miners. He was sentenced to ten years in the sulfur mines as restitution, but shortly after beginning his sentence he developed a nasty respiratory infection and requested resettlement instead.

Fath Isanstinthad (“Fath Stilltheaters”), convicted of striking his mining foreman and of insubordination leading to injuries, both charges resulting from an incident where he intervened on behalf of a small cat his Foreman intended to kill and eat. He was sentenced to five years in the sulfur mines, during which time he became close friends with Atir. When the former decided to opt for resettlement, Fath followed him.

Onul Stigazsazir (“Onul Raspbridge”), convicted of prostitution, burglary, home invasion, and trespassing in a nobleman’s quarters. Because her charges were mitigated by some suspicion that the nobleman in question had, in fact, hired her, rather than caught her breaking into his chambers late at night, and had chosen to turn her in rather than pay her fee, her thirty-year sentence was commuted to resettlement.

Tekkud Necikmosus (“Tekkud Singeroom”), convicted of stealing food during time of need, hoarding, gluttony, and sloth. Because he was accused of crimes against the nobility, he was automatically sentenced to the maximum consecutive sentences allowed for each crime, totaling fifty-five years of hard labor confinement. Thirty years into his sentence, his failing physical strength and still-obese frame prevented him from fulfilling his work quota, and his sentence was commuted to resettlement.

Olon Adasurdim (“Olon Passedtower”), convicted of  insubordination and aiding & abetting a felon, was actually Tekkud’s attorney. Unfortunately, he was caught attempting to seduce the judge’s wife in exchange for access to the judge’s evidence vaults and was forced to share the sentence of his client. He chose to follow Tekkud into resettlement rather than finish serving his sentence.

I feel fortunate to not have been assigned any violent criminals or compulsive thieves for this foundation.

I must now get to work planning our camp, as we are expecting another group of settlers within a season.

 

Clearly, a very strange and inscrutable people. Our investigations are ongoing, and as soon as more details have been deciphered, we will pass them on to you.